1. |
Words That Sound Rude
03:23
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I've got penal angina in my shuttlecock
And a poopdeck crumpet on my Kumquat
The uvula bungholes the goldenrod
And Uranus sheep shank's the glottlestop
The thespian’s defenestrated
The flugelhorn’s invaginated
These are words that sound rude
We’re gonna torque that cockapoo
These are words that sound like a curdled dipthong
These are words that sound obscene
The coccyx dollop is gleaned
So masticate that turdiform sexagon
The philatelist has rectory dongles
The cockeyed plinth is a crotchety cockle
The porcine patella is humpenscrump
To flange the fast and bulbous sack-butt
The bumfiddler is on the frigate
Lugubrious flume, it has a dingus
These are words that sound rude
We’re gonna torque that cockapoo
These are words that sound like a curdled dipthong
These are words that sound obscene
The coccyx dollop is gleaned
So masticate that turdiform sexagon
Moist!
These are words that sound rude
We’re gonna torque that cockapoo
These are words that sound like a curdled dipthong
These are words that sound obscene
The coccyx dollop is gleaned
So masticate that turdiform sexagon
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2. |
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My heart went pow when you walked in the room
My eyes went boop and my mind went whoom
My jaw went clunk and my tongue went slap
I heard a lightning bolt go zap
Your web went thwip and my heart went hurk
You reeled me in and my soul went gurk
I went ping and you went wheee
You had me in captivity
My tongue went splat and my feet went zoom
All my brain fall down go boom
My breath went gah! and something went sproing
BOI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OI-OING!
Bif baf wham
ktang crunch bam
Crash clang kzzzart
You superhero noised my heart
Bleep bloop thwap
Thoom kerplop zap
Fump Bamf argh!
You superhero noised my heart
Gzzzt! Klank! Smack!
Sock! Ka-Pow! Whap!
Whoosh! Thud! Bang!
K’tang!
Fwap! Boof! Thunk!
Fooom! Bwap! Krunk!
Brap! B-r-r-t! Kloom!
Ka-choom!
Gzzzt! Klank! Smack!
Sock! Ka-Pow! Whap!
Whoosh! Thud! Bang!
K’tang!
Fwap! Boof! Thunk!
Fooom! Bwap! Kloom!
KA-BOOM!!!
Bif baf wham
ktang crunch bam
Crash clang kzzzart
You superhero noised my heart
Bleep Bloop thwap
Thoom kerplop zap
Fump Bamf argh!
You superhero noised my heart
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3. |
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Instrumental
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4. |
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No it is not.
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5. |
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It's the fifth song on the album
It’s like music’s middle child
Never added to a playlist
And it never gets played live
It's stuck between two better songs
and it's only just allright
It's the fifth song on the album
And it's fine
It's not necessarily bad
But there's better to be had
At least it's often short, mercifully
It's not the album's killer
Like musical starchy filler
Like potatoes in a nice chicken roti
It's not the album's prime
So you skip it every time
Maybe you'll give it another chance one day
It's not regrettable
It's just forgettable
But nobody buys albums anymore anyway
We'll take a Bullet Ride
To The Great Gig in the Sky
See the Octopus's Garden and its Tears
We'll go out takin' shots
And do the Misty Mountain Hop
To the non-existent song on Hemispheres
We're Fixing a Hole
At the Electric Funeral
I Believe the Winter Problem Child
The Duelists will Inject Me
And shout Poyekhali!
Tell Miss Gradenko that it's Wendy Time
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6. |
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On a world that is a disk
atop four elephants
on the back of a giant turtle out in space
Where the light moves slow
And all the wizards know
that Unseen University's the place
Where the grimoires are alive
And if you would survive
an ability to run fast is required
The magic's palpable
And Death speaks in capitals
in Ankh Morpork where the river is on fire
A librarian is seen
In robes of octarine
He might have been named Dr. Horace Worblehat
He used to be a man
Now he's an orangutan
And he's refused all efforts to be transformed back
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Now he can really swing
It's his favourite thing
He's the only one who can find all the books of spells
And he truly doesn't mind
'cause he can really climb
He doesn’t need a ladder to reach those high up shelves
He's in the band with rocks in
He's a member of the watch and
Chief organist forat the university
He can travel through L-Space
And he can tear off your face
He can unscrew your head head using just his feet
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Don't! Call him! A Monkey!
Don't! Call him! A Monkey!
Don't! Call him! A Monkey!
Don't! Call him! A Monkey!
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
Said the Librarian
Ook!
Ook! Ook! Ook!
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7. |
Listen to Wilhelm Scream
03:40
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Listen up, let me tell you about this guy
His name is Wilhelm and you've seen him die
He's done it more than four hundred times
Been bitten by a gator and arrowed in the thigh
He just gets reincarnated and then
That poor sucker gets killed again
It's been going on since times ancient
All just for our entertainment
From a long time ago, in a galaxy far away
Up until just earlier today
What does all thisdying do to his self esteem?
Listen to Wilhelm scream!
Wilhelm!
Wilhelm!
Wilhelm!
Listen to Wilhelm scream!
He got shot by a puppet and he fell off a ledge
Thrown from a castle wall, got an acorn in the head
Stabbed in the hand by a flying knife
Thrown out of frame by an angry Dark Knight
He once got strangled by a big blonde dude
And was stabbed a bride wearing Bruce Lee's suit
Moving the lost ark, he was a guard
Got knocked from the truck and he landed on a car
Got thrown into a pit by a Wookiee on Bespin
On the Death Star he fell into a chasm
It must seem like a really bad dream
Listen to Wilhelm scream!
He got pushed off a cliff by a dinosaur
And sucked into a big blue shimmering orb
Forced from a boat by a duck in an plane
And fell through a bannister on Life Day
Thrown from a boat on the back of a truck
Shot by a rogue tie fighter, bad luck
An elf pushed him off an oliphant: not fun
And even then, he still only counts as one
Rode a room service cart into a bandstand
Knocked off a desk by a rotating lamp
Shot in the butt by his own laser, bent
by a mog named Barf, he’s his own best friend
Knocked off a bridge by a dwarf with an axe
Thrown from a cop car into a pile of trash
Went flying when his motorbike hit a stump
And eaten by a gator to the sound of distant drums
Got thrown around by an animated squid
And fell head-first into the sarlaac pit
Shot by countless laser beams
Listen to Wilhelm scream!
Nobody knows how he keeps coming back to life
Over and over throughout all space and time
Maybe he's some sort of God
Trapped in the time stream
All we can do is listen to Wilhelm scream
Maybe it's cosmic punishment
By a vengeful being supreme
All we can do is listen to Wilhelm scream
All we can do is listen to Wilhelm scream
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8. |
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I woke up this morning not feelin' so great
And wondered if it was something I shouldn't have ate
So I got on the Interwebs and looked up my fate
And soon I had myself in quite a state
It said I had termites in my Ovipositor
And Head-go-boom-boom-itis in my sphygmomanometer
Andromeda strain has got me feeling so weak
And a defragmented truss rod in my beak
I got methusela syndrome and my antlers are clogged
An infected carborator in my cytoproct
No chlorophyll up in my nictitating membrane
And my saucer section just won't separate
Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rince
My dorsal fin is itchy from dilithium
And my pickup selector cannot fly with three thumbs
My only regret is that I have boneitis
And my cilia's float bladder is eclipsed
A zombie bit my fuselage's venom glands
Hope it clears up soon 'cause that's how you get ants
Infected kyber crystals in my tentacle flesh
And some days I just do not feel fresh
Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rince
Don't google your symptoms it never ends well
You'll think your flux capacitor has gill rot in its cells
Don't google your symptoms or you're gonna believe
That your interroceter is full of bees
My high gain antenna is all swollen and rough
My contractile vacuole wasn't marinated enough
Now I got Dave's Syndrome and I think I've been hacked
Got cutie pox, a brain cloud, and snow crash
My macronucleus is a carnelian thing
And my chameleon circuit ain't chameleoning
I got a narrow urethra and diminished glutes
And peanut butter in my chocolate, too
Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rinse
Don't google your symptoms it never ends well
You'll think your flux capacitor has gill rot in its cells
Don't google your symptoms or you're gonna believe
That your interroceter is full of bees
Don't Google your symptoms Don't self-diagnose
You'll make your doctor wanna break their Hippocratic oath
When they beat you soundly and they kill you a lot
And you end up getting worse than what you've got
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9. |
Frak You, Smeghead
03:38
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Listen up, jagweeds
I need you to grok
You're so unhip it's a wonder
your bums don't fall off
What is your childhood trauma?
What is your major malfunction?
Eat any good books lately
You pointy-eared hobgoblin?
Farathoom Fangbanger Shazbot
TANJ it, poodoo Felgercarb Drokk
Grozit toaster mik'ta petaQ
You gorram poozer mutie Skinjob
Frak you, Smeghead!
I'm not questioning your honour, I'm denying its existence
Frak you, Smeghead!
Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
Frak you, Smeghead!
Smurfing karabast frelling mudblood Belgium
Frak you, Smeghead!
Get your paws off me, you damn, dirty apes!
Laugh it up, fuzzball
now you're Bantha fodder
scruffy-looking nerf-herder
Ugly sack of mostly water
I don't know where you get
your delusions, laser brain
Somebody get this walking
carpet out of my way
Farathoom Fangbanger Shazbot
TANJ it, poodoo Felgercarb Drokk
Grozit toaster mik'ta petaQ
You gorram poozer mutie Skinjob
Frak you, Smeghead!
I'm not questioning your honour, I'm denying it's existence
Frak you, Smeghead!
Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
Frak you, Smeghead!
Smurfing karabast frelling mudblood Belgium
Frak you, Smeghead!
Get your paws off me, you damn, dirty apes!
Slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler
I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time
Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!
Come and get one in the yarbles if you've got any yarbles
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries
Frak you, Smeghead!
I'm not questioning your honour, I'm denying it's existence
Frak you, Smeghead!
Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?
Frak you, Smeghead!
Smurfing karabast frelling mudblood Belgium
Frak you, Smeghead!
Get your paws off me, you damn, dirty apes!
Ni!
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10. |
This Is My Jam
02:29
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I grew these berries in my back yard
Nature did it, it wasn't that hard
Picked 'em all this afternoon
Washed 'em to get rid of ectozoons
Now I'm makin' fruit preserves
For my breakfast and hors d'oeuvres
Gotta get to 'em before they brown
Mash 'em up and boil 'em down
Will it thicken? Don't you fear
Got all this pectin up in here
molecularly re-arranged
cross-linking large polymer chains
Let it sit and cool some more
Then put it in jars from the dollar store
I can't wait to taste all this, cause man...
This is my jam!
Put it on crumpets, put it on toast
Put it on the food you love the most
Put it on burgers, Put it on fries
Put it on all your filthy lies
Put it on dogs, put it on cats
put it on creepy vampire bats
Put it in wine, put it in beer
Put it all over your deepest fear
Put it on cheddar and mozarella
Put it on a stranger's left patella
Put it in your eye that's astigmatic
Put it on the man hiding in your attic
Put it on the disembodied head
Put it on the thing underneath your bed
Put it on bacon or you can put it on ham...
This is my jam!
Put it on monsters from the deep
Put it on the man who watches you sleep
Put it on the hook on your car door
Put it on the raven nevermore
Put it on the doll you're pretty sure moved
Put it on the thing creeping up on you
Put it on the big pulsating brain *
Put it on the thing on the wing of the plane
Put it on the ancient burial site
Put it on the glowing meteorite
Put it on the books, vertically stacked
Put it on the guy in the hockey mask
Put it on the light that just went out
Put it on the call from inside the house
Put it on the thing you can hear, not see
Put it on the girl coming out the TV *
Put it on the foul winds that blow
Put it on the guy peeking in your window
Put it on the people who live in your walls
Put it on the phone when your dead wife calls
Put it on the floating, moaning gown
Put it on the grinning, staring clown
Put it on songs that get creepy, 'cause man...
This is my jam!
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11. |
Barneymug The Buttons
02:34
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Me and my trouble boys
coming straight from the south side
Tossed to the bricks,
speaking easy, gettin' ossified
A pocket full of lettuce
wearing iron under pin stripes
chippy on each arm
and a glass full o' moonshine
Our butter and egg man
is back from a three spot
Met a can opener
and plannin' a box job
lousy with ice
and the syndicate's keen
in a couple days time
we're gonna have the bees
Then I hear burnt powder
and I'm lookin at a buzzer
turns out the can opener's
a motherbarneymugger
he's elephant ears
and all I can do is stare
Got a roscoe and he's telling
me to grab a little air
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Motherbarneymug 'em.
I play some chin music
'cause I'm a hard bruno
Gonna put that cellar smellar
in a wooden kimono
Chicago lightning
the chopper squad bursts in
I grab my bean shooter
and I give 'em lead poisioning
They got the bulge
But those palookas ain't bright
Call the meat wagon
cause I'll fill 'em full o' daylight
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Motherbarneymug 'em.
Now we're lousy with the fuzz
throwing lead and packing heat
Just came for tiger milk
And now my gang are doing the big sleep
But the buttons and flatties,
they want me in the Big House
Now they got me in bracelets
and I'm headed to the hoosegow
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Barneymug the buttons
Motherbarneymug 'em.
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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario
Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.
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