Don't Google Your Symptoms

from Most Moistest Hits 2020 by Kraken Not Stirred

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lyrics

I woke up this morning not feelin' so great
And wondered if it was something I shouldn't have ate
So I got on the Interwebs and looked up my fate
And soon I had myself in quite a state

It said I had termites in my Ovipositor
And Head-go-boom-boom-itis in my sphygmomanometer
Andromeda strain has got me feeling so weak
And a defragmented truss rod in my beak

I got methusela syndrome and my antlers are clogged
An infected carborator in my cytoproct
No chlorophyll up in my nictitating membrane
And my saucer section just won't separate

Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rince

My dorsal fin is itchy from dilithium
And my pickup selector cannot fly with three thumbs
My only regret is that I have boneitis
And my cilia's float bladder is eclipsed

A zombie bit my fuselage's venom glands
Hope it clears up soon 'cause that's how you get ants
Infected kyber crystals in my tentacle flesh
And some days I just do not feel fresh

Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rince

Don't google your symptoms it never ends well
You'll think your flux capacitor has gill rot in its cells
Don't google your symptoms or you're gonna believe
That your interroceter is full of bees

My high gain antenna is all swollen and rough
My contractile vacuole wasn't marinated enough
Now I got Dave's Syndrome and I think I've been hacked
Got cutie pox, a brain cloud, and snow crash

My macronucleus is a carnelian thing
And my chameleon circuit ain't chameleoning
I got a narrow urethra and diminished glutes
And peanut butter in my chocolate, too

Don't Google your symptoms Don't freak yourself out
You'll make yourself believe you've got corrosion in your pouch
Don't Google your symptoms or you'll end up convinced
Your thagomizer's warp core needs a rinse

Don't google your symptoms it never ends well
You'll think your flux capacitor has gill rot in its cells
Don't google your symptoms or you're gonna believe
That your interroceter is full of bees

Don't Google your symptoms Don't self-diagnose
You'll make your doctor wanna break their Hippocratic oath
When they beat you soundly and they kill you a lot
And you end up getting worse than what you've got

credits

from Most Moistest Hits 2020, released January 8, 2021

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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