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lyrics

I grew these berries in my back yard
Nature did it, it wasn't that hard
Picked 'em all this afternoon
Washed 'em to get rid of ectozoons

Now I'm makin' fruit preserves
For my breakfast and hors d'oeuvres
Gotta get to 'em before they brown
Mash 'em up and boil 'em down

Will it thicken? Don't you fear
Got all this pectin up in here
molecularly re-arranged
cross-linking large polymer chains

Let it sit and cool some more
Then put it in jars from the dollar store
I can't wait to taste all this, cause man...
This is my jam!

Put it on crumpets, put it on toast
Put it on the food you love the most
Put it on burgers, Put it on fries
Put it on all your filthy lies

Put it on dogs, put it on cats
put it on creepy vampire bats
Put it in wine, put it in beer
Put it all over your deepest fear

Put it on cheddar and mozarella
Put it on a stranger's left patella
Put it in your eye that's astigmatic
Put it on the man hiding in your attic

Put it on the disembodied head
Put it on the thing underneath your bed
Put it on bacon or you can put it on ham...
This is my jam!

Put it on monsters from the deep
Put it on the man who watches you sleep
Put it on the hook on your car door
Put it on the raven nevermore

Put it on the doll you're pretty sure moved
Put it on the thing creeping up on you
Put it on the big pulsating brain *
Put it on the thing on the wing of the plane

Put it on the ancient burial site
Put it on the glowing meteorite
Put it on the books, vertically stacked
Put it on the guy in the hockey mask

Put it on the light that just went out
Put it on the call from inside the house
Put it on the thing you can hear, not see
Put it on the girl coming out the TV *

Put it on the foul winds that blow
Put it on the guy peeking in your window
Put it on the people who live in your walls
Put it on the phone when your dead wife calls

Put it on the floating, moaning gown
Put it on the grinning, staring clown
Put it on songs that get creepy, 'cause man...
This is my jam!

credits

from Most Moistest Hits 2020, released January 8, 2021

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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