Pineapples are quadrupeds
Zebras are born with 18 heads
The sun is a giant holding a flashlight
We can visit him if we go at night
These are alternative facts so you'd better believe
That the Earth is flat and the moon is made of cheese
I know that it's true because I feel it in my chest
And that's more proof than a double-blind test
These are alternative facts
These are alternative facts
I wouldn't tell you this if it wasn't true
If I say it, that should be good enough for you
A unicorn lives in my hair
Unicorns live everywhere
They can't be measured and they can't be seen
But you're evil and crazy if you don't believe
There's a pink unicorn and his name is Ed
He's invisible and he lives in your bed
whatever you do there, you must consult with me
'cause I believe in a unicorn you can't see
Alternative facts
These are alternative facts
I'm sorry if they don't work for you
The fact that they favour me is just a fluke
These are alternative facts and they're just as true
As anything the scientific method can prove
I don't care if you think it makes no sense
'cause my opinion is as valid as your evidence
These are alternative facts
These are alternative facts
I wouldn't tell you this if it wasn't true
If I say it, that should be good enough for you
Alternative facts
These are alternative facts
The fact they favour me shouldn't be a surprise
Back in the day we used to call them lies
