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The Loneliest Monster in the Moat

from Mixtape (Deluxe Edition) by Kraken Not Stirred

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lyrics

Down here in the deep
I slow down as I near your tower
And gaze upon your golden hair out of reach
I look up to see your pointy pink hat
And I hear you sighing
The dulcet tones of your poetry

As I circle the castle
I'm feeling as blue as the water
Even though I am actually green
Another knight came by today
and tried to smite me
So I tore out and ate his spleen

The last one told me he'd turn me into a coat
but he learned armour doesn't float
And I'm the loneliest monster
The loneliest monster in the moat

My heart aches for you
or it could be gas
from all those brave knights I ate
All those poor bastards
Who came for your heart
And their own ended up a red stain

I hope one day you'll notice me
diligently guarding you
And you'll realise all those knights were jerks
They say I don't have royal blood
But actually that's not true
I spit some up every time I burp

Sir Valiant said he would gut me like a goat
Now he's just a pair of boots and some smoke
And I'm the loneliest monster
The loneliest monster in the moat

Prince Charming tried to cut me
so I tore off his scrote
Now I'm the loneliest monster
Not impressed by your brawn, sir
And I'm the loneliest monster
A big, killer, prawn, sir
I am the loneliest monster
Stay the hell away from my blonde, sir
I am the loneliest monster
And I will bite off your dong, sir.
I am the loneliest monster
The loneliest monster in the moat

credits

from Mixtape (Deluxe Edition), released April 24, 2016

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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