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about

A public service announcement regarding the importance of the "1" portion of the 3-2-1 Rule.

lyrics

I'm at the con
And I'm feelin' allright
Lots of hot Slave Leias here tonight
Go to a panel
On the Walking Dead
And I'm wearin' my finest Malcolm Reynolds threads

Me and my nerds
Walk into the room
Back and to left, our heads go BOOM
Damn
Our noses, we cover
What an incredible smell we've discovered

Something offends my olfactory senses
And I'm not tryin' to cause offences
But this room smells like Sasquatch's sweaty junk
It's the Confunk

This is a Public
Service Announcement
This problem
It can be surmounted
If you don't know who I'm talkin' 'bout in the room
Then like the sucker at a poker table, it's about you

You're rank
And it's makin' me ill
You're lettin' down
The rest of your guild
Consider it an IRL side quest
Or the muggles will never let the aphorism rest

Your Federation uniform's a bit ripe
Way to promote that stereotype.
You're never gonna get into Inara's trunk
You got the Confunk.

To the Trekkies and the Browncoats
Please don't be afraid of the soap
To the Whovians and the MSTies
Don't forget to get your costume drycleaned
First thing in the day
Before you let the Warriors come out to play
Lather up your bits
And bullseye the womprat you got in your pits

I think they need
to install a vent
At the Magic: The Gathering tournament
I'm glad you played
that Ember Gale
But it doesn't help you with your shower fail.

You smell like
You've been in a tauntaun
And you got a caricature of you drawn
as a dragon
but it's a travesty
Because those are stink lines, not majesty

I see you hitting on that cute Gelfling
But you don't know your stank ain't helping
You're gonna end up alone in your bunk
It's the Confunk.

credits

from Slithery When Wet, released February 20, 2015
Music and Lyrics by Mike Bryant

license

all rights reserved

tags

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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