Well, my moms are all rich and my daddy is too
I'm young and I'm bored an' I got nothin' to do
From the general vicinity of Betelgeuse
You know that I am the hoopiest frood

I got a souped-up saucer from Sirius Cybernetics
Makes the Heart of Gold look completely pathetic
Got a Genuine People Personality inside
And a brand new infinite improbability drive

It's got an onboard computer with the latest tech and
it goes from standing still to hyperspace in nanoseconds
I've still got the ship's original box
I also wear a pretty neat digital watch

Cruisin' up and down the Western Spiral Arm, yes
And I'm gonna find a planet that's mostly harmless
Where intergalactic contact hasn't been achieved
And land by someone nobody will ever believe

Me and the boys and our paranoid android
Will strut up and down makin' a beep-beep noise

I'm a teaser
Not a pleaser
I'm gonna find me some poor geezer
He won't believe what he sees, sir
When I pick him up with my beamer

I'm a teaser
I'm a schemer
A prime directive intervener
Got an intergalactic trolling procedure
I love it when I find a screamer
I'm a teaser

Is this guy boring you? Why not come with me?
'Cause I'm from another planet, you see
I'm so hip I can't see over my pelvis, baby
And I always get invited to these sorts of parties

All these other froods just don't compare
I know where my towel is but I don't really care
So let's get a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster
from my very own nutrimatics drink dispenser

And if you want something totally delicious
We can grab ourselves a couple hagra biscuits
They're made for the Vogons by the Dentrassi
And they're the hoopiest frood food in the galaxy

I'm gonna take you on an intergalactic trip,
So get out of my dreams and into my ship
'cause I'm your awesome pal who's fun to be with
So let's go buzz some unsuspecting twit

It'll blow his mind when he sees us strut up and down
With antennas on our heads, makin' beep beep sounds

I'm a teaser
Not a pleaser
I'm gonna find me some poor geezer
He won't believe what he sees, sir
When I pick him up with my beamer

I'm a teaser
a man of leisure
An interplanetary creeper
Gonna pick up some unsuspecting creature
With my zircon-encrusted tweezers
I'm a teaser

I'm a teaser
Not a pleaser
I'm gonna find me some poor geezer
He won't believe what he sees, sir
When I pick him up with my beamer

I'm a teaser
A deceiver
You might think I'm mean, sir
Freak out a semi-evolved simian and then cheese 'er
And go and get some appeteasers
I'm a teaser