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Shut Up, Ted (2018 Version)

from Slithery When Wet by Kraken Not Stirred

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about

The original version was one of the first tracks written and recorded by Kraken Not Stirred. I felt I could do better, so I made this version. If you've already bought the album, you can download this version for free at krakennotstirred.com/newisthenewold

lyrics

If you comment on my stepmom one more time
I'll tell your dad you stole his keys
Yes, I know that I've got the hots for her
I don't need you reminding me
Our band's headed for a certain doom
while my dad goes for it in my own room

Ted
Shut up, Ted
Stop talking about my stepmom
And don't ask her to the prom again
Shut up, Ted

In a bad TARDIS ripoff with a broken antenna
we'll travel and collect
Personages of historical significance
Who are strangely fine with it
My excellent friend, don't be a fool
Or you'll get sent to Alaskan military school

Ted
Shut up, Ted
Collect an historical figure
Or our band will soon be dead
Shut up, Ted
Travel back in time and drop
a garbage can on your dad's head
Shut up, Ted

Our band could save the world
But not if we don't get to play
We cannot get distracted by
A couple of historical babes
I belive our adventure through time
Has taken a most serious turn
And I don't think this is what
Mr. Ryan wanted us to learn
A couple of royal ugly dudes
Have treated us egregiously
And I'd hate to see you killed
By some medieval dickweed
Or put in the iron maiden...
...EXCELLENT!

So shut up Ted
Shut up, Ted
Unless you know Eddie Van Halen
Or maybe Stevie Salas, instead
Shut up, Ted
Don't do anything stupid
Like The Matrix Reloaded
Shut up, Ted
Stop shooting Dennis Hopper
And don't go surfin' with Swayze instead
Shut up, Ted
Shut up, Ted

credits

from Slithery When Wet, released February 20, 2015

license

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tags

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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