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If You Post Spoilers I Will Kill You

from Mixtape (Deluxe Edition) by Kraken Not Stirred

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about

Don't think I wont.

lyrics

You went to a movie
And you had a great time
You ate some popcorn
And you smuggled in some wine
Now you're tweeting about it
And that's perfectly fine
I'm glad you enjoyed the show
But there's something you should know...

If you post spoilers
I will tear out your lungs
I'll stab you in the shower
Dressed as my taxidermied mom
I'll use your memory problems
To make you kill and think you're avenging your wife
If you post spoilers
I will end your life

Something awesome happened
On a television show
It really blew your mind
And you want everyone to know
You're so excited
So to the Internet you go
But be careful what you say
Don't give too much away...

If you post spoilers
I'll burn your childhood sled
You'll find no sanctuary
Despite what everybody said.
I'll send you to a field
And have a courier bring you your wife's head
If you post spoilers
I will make you dead.

I don't care if it was in the latest trailer
I don't care if it was mentioned on Innerspace
I've been avoiding commercials because I don't want to know
So if you spoil it I will tear off your face

If you post spoilers
I'll send you back in time
So you can see child you
Watching grown-up you die.
I'll kill your prize racehorse
And put its head in your bed while you sleep.
If you post spoilers
You'll become deceased.

You'll shoot yourself in the head
After I quit the band.
I'll tell you I'm your father
Before I cut off your hand.
You'll tell me it's impossible
But you'll search your feelings and you'll know it's true.
If you post spoilers
I will kill you.
You'll finally understand
That posting spoilers is seriously wrong
But it'll turn out
You were dead all along.

credits

from Mixtape (Deluxe Edition), released April 24, 2016
Kari Maaren: Ukulele and backing vocals

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Kraken Not Stirred Toronto, Ontario

Nerd Rock created by a monstrous sea creature and beamed into the head of its pathetic human minion.

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